Thursday, October 16, 2008

Lead us now unto war; we accept our mission

Alex sent me "Lead On, Oh Lord" a couple days ago and it makes me SOOOOO happy. That's where I pulled the title from. My titles are generally songs or word blips that I have in my head that day.
This morning, I had a Basque Culture and Civilization Exam. I think it went pretty well but there were a couple things I was worried about. School is really starting to pick up. I have an essay due in one of my two literature classes every week. So travelling EVERY weekend is not really that great of an idea. But I'm going to be in Bilbao part of this weekend and all of five weekends scattered throught the next several weeks before my return home. But I'm planning to make at least one more trip to Vitoria before I leave and one of those is my last weekend here, which will probably mostly be spent pakcing and saying good-bye to friends and family here. And I do need to spend some time here learning and experiencing the culture.
Being here I often find myself wondering why God has called me to this place. I also worry about returning home. I know that I'm growing and changing here and I wonder how that will all fit in when I go home.
“…How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold. Bilbo once told me his part in this tale would end... that each of us must come and go in the telling. Bilbo's story was now over. There would be no more journeys for him... save one. My dear Sam. You cannot always be torn in two. You will have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be and to do. Your part in the story will go on.”
This quotation from The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King often rings in my mind. Am I Sam, Frodo, or Bilbo? How will the journey I am on be affected by returning home? Am I Bilbo who was able to live at home for a time but was never the same? Am I Sam who was able to live a long, fruitful life in the Shire after the War of the Ring? Or am I Frodo who was wounded and unable to live in Middle Earth any longer? This all sounds very weird and slightly morbid and depressing. I know that I'll be able to live in Michigan in my old world with my old friends. But will it be the same? I know that I've changed and I'm sure other people have changed.
But's almost the weekend. And I love weekends. I think I might take myself out for pastry after Mass on Sunday. I really don't like going to Mass alone. Does anyone want to come visit me and go to Mass with me?
But I know that I'm here to do the will of God. So now I just have to figure out how that manifests itself in my life.

No comments: