But I've never harmed an onion, so why do they make me cry?

I don’t like being left home alone. I’d just like to throw that out there. I think my family knows that. I’m not a huge fan of being alone a lot. But this weekend, I was home alone all weekend. I hung out with friends quite a bit, which was awesome. But I didn’t like being home alone in this big apartment. I have great prayer times when I’m alone. And I get to listen to more Peter Kreeft. (By the way, he is ABSOLUTELY amazing.) But I don’t like being alone all weekend. I sleep more, which is probably good for me. But it’s still being alone.

I’ve been having some computer problems and it appears that Dell will not be able to help me out until after I get back from Spain. Dell has people in Spain but there are records of the work that has already been done to Mr. Darcy back in the U.S. that are crucial to doing any work on this delightful friend of mine. So please pray that this computer can survive the next two and a half months.

I’ve been here for almost a month; it’ll be that on Thursday. And I’m learning a few things here. God has a plan for me here; he brought me here for a reason. I just don’t know what it is yet. But I know that I’m here for a reason; I know that this season of my life is occurring for a reason. I am in Spain because this is where he wants me. But why? That’s my big question. I know that I’m growing and changing while I’m here. But I wonder what I am here to do. And I am desperate for signs of God. I find them in the oddest places.

There are conversations with friends and fingers of peanut butter in the absence of spoons. There was a day spent in conversation with a Christian girl from Grand Rapids who is over here as a nanny for a friend of my host mom. And that relationship promises to bear more fruit. There are group hugs from girls I didn’t know a month ago. There are Skype conversations with my brother. There are emails and facebook chats with good friends.

Sometimes I wonder if people in America have forgotten about me or decided to ignore me until I get home. I know that’s a stupid thought but sometimes that is really how I feel over here. I miss people at home; there are times, especially when I’m alone for long periods of time like this weekend, when I feel very abandoned and alone. I don’t want to be forgotten; I don’t want to be ignored. I need reminders that you guys are still there for me. I cannot do this on my own. I’ve learned to go inside myself and seek for Christ because he never will abandon me. But that is hard. And sometimes it really helps to have someone do something as simple as tease me or say “Hey, I hope you have a good day.” Three strands of cord cannot be easily torn. (Where in the Bible is that from? I think it’s from Ezekiel but where?) One strand of cord can break very easily. And, as I was reminded by a Peter Kreeft talk, friendship is one of the greatest weapons we have against evil. Beer may be the proof that God loves and he wants us to be happy but friendship is a weapon against evil. And Spain is known for their wine, not their beer. I don’t like being alone. I don’t like feeling abandoned. And I don’t want to beg people to notice me and pay attention to me either. If that’s what works for you while I’m gone, that’s fine. But it’s hard for me; that’s all I’m trying to say. I do not want people to tell me that they’re going to support me and pray for me while I’m gone and then completely and totally ignore me while I’m gone. Just be honest with me, please.

I also ask you to pray for me here. I am struggling to fight for the culture of life. I listen to people mock Christians who have large families and I cringe. They have no idea that they only make me want to have a bigger family. (Alex, you have ten boys; I’ll have 11 girls. Does this still work for you?) These people are wrong when they say that we Christians want to breed soldiers for Jesus Christ. Well, we are producing soldiers for the culture war but you are off on the moon and not aware of the fact that we’re at war. And we are fighting on the side of Jesus Christ. But that’s not why we have large families. We do it from a love of children and a love of God’s gift of life.

And then today, I listened to a Christian friend say that abortion didn’t affect her so she didn’t see why we needed to act against it. It wasn’t affecting her, so she didn’t need to oppose it. Hi, let me introduce you to my friend, Rachel…who isn’t here because she was aborted. One-third of your generation is missing and you don’t think abortion isn’t affecting you. Well, you really are on the moon. I like you very much but you are off on the moon. Do I sound callous? I’m sorry. You’re alive; Rachel and millions of other children are not. Let’s respect our deceased siblings. We are a generation that is called to prepare the way of the Lord; I really firmly believe this. And part of that call is to step out in faith and defend the defenseless. You may never have an abortion but abortion has still touched your life. Look around you; in the U.S., one-third of your generation has been murdered. We are in the trenches of the culture war. It is life vs. death and our society is on the line. The enemy is waiting in the wings whispering lies in your ear. He will lull you into complacency and inaction. And the trenches will continue to fill up with the corpses of dead babies. They have a right to life and they lost it due to selfishness and human pride.

And this makes me both angry and sad. Abortion may touch your life in ways that you never expected. Take St. Gianna Molla for example. I highly doubt that she ever thought that abortion would ever be an option for her life. But then she was diagnosed with uterine cancer while pregnant. And suddenly, her doctors were recommending abortion; it would save her life. But it would take the life of her unborn baby. Gianna chose life. She asked that all possible efforts be made to save her own life and that of her child. Her daughter was born and St. Gianna died shortly thereafter.

We are alive. We can protect the lives of our unborn brothers and sisters. We protect the lives of children once they are outside the womb. (Well, okay, some people support infanticide and that is horrifying. Life is a gift from God and we NEVER have a right to take it. I don’t care what you think is “wrong” with your baby. We never have a right to begin or end life; that belongs to God.) Abortion touches all of our lives whether or not we know it or see it.

St. Gianna Molla, pray for us. We need God’s help and mercy.

Oh and if you were wondering what was up with the onions, last night the family got back at like 10 or 10:30, close to when I was going to bed, because after all I am lamer than lame. Anyway, they started cooking something with onions in it and it was so strong, my eyes were just welling up and they hurt so badly. So I took my pillow and slept on the bathroom floor for about an hour until the onions were all gone. But why do they make me cry?